Happy First Birthday In Heaven

Today is Reese and Scotlyn's First Birthday in Heaven. I really can't believe it's been a year, but I also feel like I've lived a lifetime without them. I have never felt as much pain from losing them in the last year than my whole life combined. It's excruciating and I wish that no one ever ever had to feel that pain. Unfortunately, I've learned a lot about life and death and I now realize how very real they are. I have done a lot of thinking about this world and life and I still just don't know what to make of it at times. The reality of today is that my two beautiful daughters were born on this day one year ago. I was terrified for them to be born on this day one year ago, but it was out of my control. I never imagined what would follow and how hard my next days, weeks and months would be, but I was forced to continue. This morning I wished I was preparing my two 1 year olds for their first birthday party with cupcakes they would eat instead of in their memory, but today I celebrated and remembered them with very close, special members of my friends and family. It was as perfect as could be without them here with me. I have had the most amazing support over the last year, it's really overwhelming to think about.

My very best friends ordered the most special balloons to release for Reese and Scotlyn's special day!

I had this little flower cupcake made for them, I am just in love with it. I also made mini cupcakes with their initials on them.

Renee made the sweetest little bears out of the leftover material from making their quilt. The one with small polka dots is made from their crib sheets and the bigger polka dots is from a blanket my best friend, Kate, gave us as a gift. The rest of the material is from the blanket as well:)

She also made this quilt out of Reese and Scotlyn's clothes, my maternity shirts, Brennan's big brother shirts, blankets, their crib sheet, and the shirt I wore at their funeral. It turned out more amazing than I ever could have imagined! She did an excellent job, and it was her first one-you would never know!

We also released a few more balloons at their grave site this evening.