Almost...

Christmastime. I guess I consider December 1st officially Christmastime, although it does seem like we decorate right after Thanksgiving every year, mostly because of convenience. I can't say I'm quite in the spirit yet or if it will really ever come this year, but I've definitely put on the front for Brennan. Especially since he is getting to the age that he is really understanding and remembering.

We went to see The Way of Lights the day after Thanksgiving. Brennan loved it! It really is pretty and they put a lot of work into making it perfect.

The blue lights were blinking so it looked like water running down the hill.

We also put up our tree that day. It just seemed like a good time since we would be home all day anyway. Brennan had a lot of fun going through everything, especially playing with his train:)

Today.

I have struggled big time with Thanksgiving this year. Last year was cut and dry, I pretty much had nothing to be thankful for. I know that sounds terrible because obviously I did, but at the time I was in no mood to be "thankful" after losing my daughters. I sort of feel the same way this year although I think I'm a little more rational and I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but of course feel very unthankful that Reese and Scotlyn are not here with me. I miss them so much every day, I think about them all the time. Lately, I have been pushing so many thoughts about them out of my mind and it's not because I don't want to think about them or remember them, but it is still so hard. And just because I push a million and one thoughts out, doesn't mean there aren't still a million and one still there.

So with all of that being said, today, the actual day of Thanksgiving, was mediocre. We had two dinners with family and the company was great, but the start and end of the day were not so great. A couple of days ago I decided that one of Brennan's most favorite animals, Raffey, needed a bath. I read once in a magazine to put stuffed animals in a walmart/target bag, tie it and put it in the freezer for 24 hours to kill the bed bugs before putting it in the washer. So I did this and took Raffey out of the freezer and had a ton of laundry to (with bringing winter clothes up) so he didn't get washed right away. Well, last night at work Casey texted me asking where raffey is and I told him the story (he thought I was crazy). So this morning, the more I thought about it I thought I hadn't seen the bag recently. So I was looking everywhere for it when I got home and explained to Casey the bag he was in and Casey realized he threw the bag away. Like in the big trash can that has been picked up by the garbage man and taken to the landfill, threw away. Heart sink...I was so upset this morning, I cried. I told Casey he needed to tell Brennan so he did. He was actually okay with it this morning, until tonight at bedtime when he was ready to go to sleep with one of his most prized possessions. Bottom lip puckered out:( So we told him we would take him to get a new Raffey (this is not even good enough for me at the moment!) and that appeased him for a while. Then he was laying in bed and two times realizing Raffey was not there, he got teary eyed. I got upset again and I just think of our dear little Raffey sitting with stinky trash and not with my baby where he belongs. You don't even have to tell me how ridiculous this is because I already know! I remember when Brennan was younger, before he was attached to any animals, hearing a story about a friend whose daughter lost her beloved stuffed animal and the mother was distraught over it and I just did not understand why it was that big of a deal. I have even thought about that situation recently and thought about how now I can totally understand. I have been that very distraught mother over this:( Tomorrow will be another story, but today this is a sad event in our lives. I was even recently thinking that Bear (his other favorite night time animal) and Raffey would probably be two things I kept forever, that's how special he is. Plus, after going through everything we have and Brennan possibly being our last child I have been struggling with him getting bigger, growing up and really cherishing every little moment and the special things in his life. So maybe that has made it extra hard. Here is a picture of our loyal friend Raffey (with Bear), whom we miss with all our heart.

My first (and probably last!) pin to pinterest!

Source: facebook.com via Kim on Pinterest

Here is the link:)

learning and growing

I am constantly going back and forth between feeling like Brennan is still a little boy and my baby (which he is!) and getting to be such a big boy (which he is!). I am so thankful that he loves to learn. He loves for me to read to him and he is starting to read on his own. I am mostly so proud of the effort he puts into it. I know he would not be doing the things he does if it wasn't for the fabulous preschool program he is in.

He does need some practice with writing, something he is not a big fan of. He can write letters and his name well, but he has a hard time staying in between the lines and making his letters the same size, etc. Part of it is a lot of times he isn't trying his best. He does it just to get it done and doesn't put a lot of effort in. We have been practicing at home with the rest of his homework so hopefully soon it will just come more naturally.

Every week at school he learns a new letter and he has a book that he brings home to read to us. They circle the letter of the week throughout the book and each page has a picture of the word, at the end sometimes they draw their own picture. This week is "H" so he had to draw his house. This is the first drawing that Brennan has actually put thought into drawing something specific:) I am always proud of anything he does, but he never really tries to draw anything in particular, it is always just scribbles (he calls it that too). I was so excited when I saw this!

He explained what everything was and I loved seeing how everything came together in his picture:)

He loves tracing his hand and today he got a project to make Thanksgiving place mats to give to nursing home residents when they perform their Thanksgiving play for them.

Here is the turkey he made today on one of his place mats;)

Sometimes I get a little sad about how fast he is growing, but it is always exciting to see your child succeed.

Swimming

Brennan is in swim lessons again. He was in them in the spring and then we did some at our neighbors house this summer and now we're back at the Y.

A friend of mine told me she heard the day classes had very few kiddos in them and they were like private lessons. She heard right, Brennan only has one other kid in his class!

In the spring there were 5 kids and they took turns in the water so they had very little time actually swimming. I debated on private lessons and thought I would try this first. I'm glad I did because the teacher allows them to be in the water at the same time (with the noodle) so he is in the water pretty much the whole time.

I really like his instructor, too. He is good with the kids and has a lot of fun things for them to do. Brennan still loves the water. He has no fear:)

Hopefully I will have better pictures next time, I didn't bring my camera so these are from my phone.