3rd Heavenly Birthday

This morning I got an email from one of my BFF's, Amanda. It included a super sweet message about her love for our girls and some pictures of her girls when they went to visit Reese and Scotlyns grave last night.

They brought these adorable Disney princess pinwheels because they thought that is what they would like♥

I am sure they would be into all things princess. They would be the age Brennan was when they were born. It's hard to think about all that I have missed out on with them. And equally as hard to think about what I miss out on...forever.

Brennan wanted to take them flowers and of course I did too and I really am in love with these cupcake flowers so we picked them up and went to visit them. 

I was so sad this morning. In tears nearly all morning. I couldn't decide if I wanted to head to St Louis to do anything-I was worried I wouldn't keep it together. I was worried about how I would be if I sat at home too. So we went. I didn't take my camera in because I just didn't feel like messing with it and the pictures on my phone aren't really spectacular. Not to mention I sort of wish we would have just stayed home because right when we got there Brennan knocked my phone out of hand and shattered 

the screen:(

I love this boy so much and I am so glad he was with me today-even if he did break my phone:) I kind of felt bad for him because I was in such a daze this morning, he would be talking to me and he had to repeat himself several times because I was so out of it. I did start feeling a little better as the day went on and we found out that Casey was getting to come home this evening instead, which was the best news all day:)

Here is Brennan at their funeral.

The sunset was beautiful.

And we released these 2 pink lanterns tonight♥

Truth

My truth: I am dreading Reese and Scotlyns birthday tomorrow. I feel like a terrible mommy saying that. I just miss them so much and it makes me so sad that I have to spend another one of their birthdays without them here to celebrate. I have been having so much anxiety about the days coming up. I am able to be distracted unlike in the beginning, but when it hits, it hits hard. 

We went peach picking yesterday at Eckert's with our friend. The orchard is behind the cemetery where Reese and Scotlyn are buried. The tractor pulled right up  by the infant section of the cemetery. I had this feeling that I just wanted to run over there and be with them. I didn't go over there because Brennan was headed toward the peaches. It's truly not that comforting to look at a headstone when all you want to do is hug your babies.

We haven't made any plans for tomorrow. I leave the day open so Brennan and I can spend the day together and then when Casey gets home, spend the evening with him. I am a little anxious about though, Casey had to go out of town for work:( I cried and cried when I found out. He just got this job so there wasn't  anything he could do. Also, we have no plans during the day and last year when I didn't make plans, I was so sad that we sat at home and I cried all day long. I don't want a repeat-I should at least have some distraction. I didn't make plans with anyone because if I am not functional-no one else should have to deal with that. So I am trying to talk to Brennan today to decide what to do.

The kids had fun picking peaches and they will be on Show Me St. Louis today.

My Godson, jack. He is so adorable!

Brennan and Livy were laughing it up on the tractor.

Brennan and Bella-BFF's:)

Arch

We live near St Louis, but rarely go to the arch. Brennan went 3 years ago when I was pregnant and on bedrest with Reese and Scotlyn. I hadn't been since I was like 12.

My mom's cousin was in town so we ventured over with them.

Brennan loved all of the educational stuff about Cowboys and Indians:)

Brennan and GiGi riding up to the top!

I didn't take my camera so I just had my phone, I couldn't get the whole thing in. I'm sure if I tried a little harder or could maneuver like a normal person I could have!

The forgotten hip

First of all, I will acknowledge I am the worst.blogger.ever. I am not sure anyone reads this anyway, but I really do enjoy blogging, I just feel overwhelmed when I get so far behind.

Anyway, my hip recovery could be better, could be worse.  When I went in for my first appointment with the surgeon, he said "Some people call it the 'forgotten hip' because after a while things are back to normal and they forget they had their hip replaced" His point was that people don't follow up with the routine x-rays to monitor when the revision is needed. Well, I am ready to forget about this hip any time now! I have been waiting for that day to come, but I have a feeling it won't be anytime soon!:( It's not terrible and of course it is getting better, but it's so slow! I know it hasn't been long and I have to keep reminding myself of that, but I just want to be back to normal!

We have been enjoying time swimming, spending time with family and friends, and I am working my job that I do telephone triage so it's nice to be able to be partly back to work.

Brennan had his last baseball game last week.

He got the cutest little trophy!

I will try to be a better blogger! I have lots of pictures to share:)

Behind

I am so far behind on blogging I don't even know where to begin so I am starting with our trip to the Science Center a couple of weeks ago.

Making energy with wind:)

Playing with Uncle V in the Discovery Room.

I have been soooo lazy about pictures lately. Luckily my sister took some pictures with her phone:)

Roberts foot is gigantic-I guess I never realized how big it really was!

Uncle Vance and Aunt Ally♥

I can't believe we have never been before! I am kind of embarrassed since I homeschooled him this year! Not that we didn't do other fun/educational stuff and I guess I just remember people saying how it isn't that great anymore, but Brennan really enjoyed it and wants to go back again.