Friday, June 8, 2012
We were driving in the car today on our way back from the Children's Hospital around here. I just got a job there and I needed to get my TB test read. On the way home, Brennan asked if he had ever been there before. He actually had hernia surgery after he came home from the NICU and we stayed overnight there so I talked to him about that. And then he asked why Reese and Scotlyn died and if they ever lived at all. He talks about them in the hospital, but I'm sure it's confusing for him and all of the details. I talked to him about them being in my belly and how they were supposed to be in there longer, but mommy and Reese were sick and at the time, even though it was very early and they were very small, it was better for them to be born. I have talked to him about this before, more than once I am sure, but I am sure he keeps processing more of the details each time I tell him and it is so incredibly hard to understand. It's hard for me to understand everything sometimes. I explained why they died, but I couldn't tell him really why they died. I continued to talk to him about details about our body and how everything works to keep us alive and moving and walking and talking. I explained to him about each of their infections and what happened to them individually. I explained that they both had infections that they were too little to fight and I said "They just, they just..." and he finished my sentence "died". He asked if they moved at all. I told him they would grab my finger and he asked which finger. I told him Reese tried so hard to open her eyes all the time. He asked about how they could see what they were doing if they couldn't open their eyes. I explained how even babies that come home from the hospital don't really move around much that they need to see what they are doing until they get bigger. We talked more about Heaven and he wanted more details. Is it in outer space? Is it a building in the sky? It is very difficult to explain Heaven to a (almost) 5 year old. This isn't the first conversation we have had about Reese and Scotlyn and Heaven and I am sure it won't be the last, but it is never easy. No part of losing a child is though.
Posted by Kim at 7:44 PM