Saturday, December 22, 2012
3rd Christmas
I can't believe we are nearing our 3rd Christmas without our babies. I have enjoyed doing Christmas activities with Brennan and watching the joy and excitement in his eyes, but Christmas is just not the same without Reese and Scotlyn. As the years go on, the older they would be, the more magical I envision Christmas being for them and the harder it gets. Every holiday is hard, every day is hard. Yes still. I know that some people probably don't understand how it can still be so difficult after 2 1/2 years, but it is. It really is. We gather with our friends whose families and kids are still growing and our babies are left behind. There should be two more rambunctious children in the room creating memories and sharing in the joy and fun of the season. The room is noisy and filled with laughter except it's a little quieter. The room is empty to me. I am sure my friends realize but of course I feel like I'm the only one. I still don't really feel in the Christmas spirit. I know how lucky I am to have Brennan and I love how magical Christmas is for him, but it will never be the same.
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Oh girl, I feel the same way, you aren't alone. And since our babies died within a few weeks of each other, we have the same timing and you are right, each passing year it doesn't get easier. This year especially our kiddos would've been SO into Christmas, I think that's why it's really hit me this year. Huge (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI understand. ((((hugs)))) This is my 5th Christmas without V&A, and I am still realizing that things will never be the same. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteChristmas is hard knowing all we lost. Much love and hugs to you my friend. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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