Thursday, January 24, 2013

Little girls

Today Reese and Scotlyn would be 2 and 1/2 years old. With the time that has gone by I have healed in so many ways. I feel like I have come very far in my grieving, but I know that it will never end. I know how quickly those raw feelings come back when I am brought back to any moment from the time when I carried them and when they were born and when they lived and when they died. How at any moment I can still feel like I am being stabbed in the heart-by grief, by love. How every step of the way I still wonder who my little girls would be, what their little personalities would be like-would they be similar or complete opposites. All of the funny things they would be saying at this age and what kinds of things they would be saying to each other. Watching their big brother love them and protect them and teach them and play with them. There are still days that I can't believe they aren't here growing and thriving with their family like they should be. I still have a hard time believing they are really gone forever. That this could really happen. Sometimes I say their names out loud and daydream about what it would be like to say their names in every day life, what it would be like to hold them and hug them and kiss their little hands and fingers. I imagine them in pictures of our family, where they should be. I still miss them so very much. 

I hope you're wearing the most beautiful princess dresses because that's how I imagine you today my loves.

I am also remembering my dear friend Tesha and her son Jonathan on his first birthday♥

1 comment: