Outlook

I am trying to have a positive outlook on this surgery because it sucks! I am trying not to think of it that way because I have no other choice but to move forward with whatever treatment I need to get better. We have to cancel our family vacation in 3 weeks because of this. The vacation that we swim with the dolphins. The one that I have been promising for the last 2 years to Brennan we would do when he turned 6 because that was the age requirement. I thought about scheduling the surgery after, but what is a vacation when you cant get around normally and I am afraid the pain I had earlier this week will come back. I just want to get this done as soon as possible. We are also missing my cousins wedding in a few weeks. I know we can take a vacation later this year when I am feeling better and I am holding onto that. I hate that we had a field trip planned for today that we can't go to now. And one next week. I was looking forward to taking more pictures this spring and now that is put on hold. I have sick time at work that I have been saving for close to 3 years to use when we had another baby. Well, now its being used for a hip replacement. That surely wasn't in my plan. You would think I would learn by now that I can't plan anything. I keep trying though, because that's what I do. Sometimes I feel like someone is willing away the good things in my life. I cant dwell on it because there is nothing I can do, but it seems that way sometimes.

I try to focus on that things could be worse, because they could be. Before I got my results I had a fleeting thought that it could be a tumor so even though this diagnosis is much worse than I truly thought it was going to be, I am thankful that it isn't cancer. I am lucky to have so many people in my life to offer support through this. I'm lucky that I have sick time and disability to get us through this financially. So while I know this is no picnic, I know that I need to stay positive for the best outcome possible and remember that things could be worse.