Sunday, October 7, 2012

Day 7: What To Say

I am always so pleased when I tell someone about Reese and Scotlyn and they ask me their names, if I haven't mentioned them. If you know their names, tell them their name is beautiful. I don't get to show the world how beautiful my babies are, so I at least love to hear that their names are beautiful.

When you lose a child or children, your world stops. For a very long time. Everything else keeps going and going, but you are stuck in this deep dark hole trying to dig your way out. Sometimes you pretend to smile so people think everything is ok. If I didn't truly understand the way I do now, I would think the same thing. It's nice, even after two years, to know that people are still thinking about you and your babies because it doesn't end when they die. It actually begins a whole new world filled with hurt and sorrow and unimaginable thoughts and feelings that last a lifetime.

You don't deserve this. No one deserves to lose their baby and no baby deserves to die. When I first came home, I scrambled trying to find any reason that this would happen to me. What had I done so horrible to deserve something like this? I truly believed that it was something I did, so to hear that I didn't deserve it always shed a little light. I have thankfully worked through those feelings and have discovered that there are things in life that are absolutely unexplainable, but it's nice to have that validation from other people in the beginning when you are working through those feelings and trying to find a reason.

Sometimes a simple and genuine I'm sorry is really comforting. Just to know that someone cares and are trying to understand how bad you are hurting and to show some empathy.  

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